« Previous Issue | Main | Next Issue »

April 24, 2007

4.24.07

Today's theme is: out of the blue

• Comments (0)     Bookmark: del.icio.us • Digg • reddit

Jeff R.: Once You're Dead, You Can't Come Back

Jonni's father was killed by a lunchbox. It fell from a construction site, twenty stories up. His helmet stopped his skull from being crushed, but didn't stop his neck from snapping. Ever since then, Jonni's had issues.

After spending High School continually fixated on one unavailible older male authority figure after another, she and her freshman history professor mutally seduced on another. A month later she found out just how many others were in his harem.

Klingman Hall wasn't quite twenty stories high, but even at three the lunchbox was enough to cause a severe concussion. The bricks inside helped.

• Comments (0)     Bookmark: del.icio.us • Digg • reddit

David: In Your Philosophy

From out of the inky blue depths rose the Leviathan. For uncounted eons it had slept and dreamed unfathomable dreams, dreams of torment unimaginable to the most depraved of human minds. Now it stirred, prepared once more to wreak untold havoc upon the fragile surface world.

But first, Leviathan was feeling peckish. It reached out with its world-spanning tentacles, seeking the mighty blue whales that might satisfy its hunger, albeit briefly. Instead, it found something hard, floating on the ocean. Curious, it approached. And found itself hopelessly tangled in the Japanese trawler’s nets.

“Giant Squid Discovered Alive!” the headline read.

• Comments (0)     Bookmark: del.icio.us • Digg • reddit

Ted: Leaving the Nest

"Dad, I have something to talk to you about. It's really hard to say in person, knowing how you feel, so that's why I'm leaving you this."

I had no idea what my daughter was about to say in her note. Was she pregnant? Did she drop out? God, no, she can't be dong this to me!

"Dad, you always taught us to make up our own minds about things and to be be true to ourselves. I am doing that now when I tell you this. Please realize I have thought this out completely."

"Dad, I'm a Republican now."

• Comments (1)     Bookmark: del.icio.us • Digg • reddit

Dave: From Cyanotic Lips

Hugh's face was purple at rage, and he uttered a colorful oath.  "What happened?!"

"They -- they hit us -- out of the blue."  I coughed up something dark.  I was glad I was out of the sun, in the shade, for these last few moments.  "The streets -- the streets ran red with blood, and our boys, our boys were all so green.  But I swear to you --"  I couldn't breath for a moment, and Hugh went pale.  "I swear to you, by my gray head, not one of them turned yellow."

And it all went black, until I could float toward the light.

• Comments (0)     Bookmark: del.icio.us • Digg • reddit