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March 19, 2007

Ted: Now How Much Would You Pay?

"You were worth $186,418,227.48 as of last night's market close. As of 10a.m., you have lost over $75M of that amount. Your loans are due, your health is failing, and you couldn't get arrested in this town if you pulled a Mel Gibson, a Nicole Ritchie, and a John Belushi simultaneously. You are going to die within six months because your liver is shot. Die penniless.

Unless you wish sign this contract and gain perfect health. You'll live another fifty years."

"Just money? I thought you wanted my soul."

"That's ours already. Think Las Vegas 'whale' treatment and you'll understand."

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