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March 14, 2007

3.14.07

I finally understand why you shouldn't run with scissors.

What else should you not run with?

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Jim: Just A Game

Quarterback Mike Green glanced both left and right, calling the offensive line changes. They had forty-seven yards to go with only seconds left!

In seeming slow motion, the "pigskin" hit Mike’s gloves and he faded back to pass. Suddenly, he tucked it under his arm, ran past flying tackles and into the end zone!

In their concrete bunkers over a mile away, the fans cheered wildly then lapsed into stunned silence as the field exploded into solar brilliance. Although replacing the standard football with a nuclear device added excitement to the game, some players still forgot not to spike it.

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David: Take The Money And Run

Marion couldn’t say why she stole the payroll instead of taking it to the bank like her boss ordered. She only knew she was on the highway late Friday night, exhausted. She’d tried catching some z’s on the side of the road, but a cop sent her on her way.

She saw the dilapidated motel and pulled in. The manager was a skinny, creepy guy who kept talking about his mother and putting clumsy moves on her.

She bashed his head in with the desk phone before going to her room for a shower and sleep. She’d seen that movie.

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Jeff R.: Rose

Rose wasn't exactly popular or unpopular but rather feared. Everyone knew that she could destroy them, utterly. She knew all the secrets there were to know at Worthington High.

She was alarmingly beautiful, and when she wanted someone as a lover- jock or brain, teacher or student, male or female- she was never refused. She took what she wanted, in sex and favors, then left them feeling grateful to have been used.

Her parents complained that she was running with a bad crowd, but the truth is they were all chasing her, and she always left them in her dust.

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Tanya: Untitled

“It was Marco’s idea that we should roller skate. I said he was crazy, so he took the skates and I stayed on my feet. We both had our little red neckties. We rushed through the streets, in a mass of men, followed by a loud trampling that made our bones rattle as much as our nerves and the road.

“Finally, as I knew they would, Marco’s skates failed him, and he fell. I couldn’t let him be trampled, so I bent down to help him over a fence.

“And that’s how I got the horn in my backside, Doctor.”

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Ted: 11:48 A. M.

Springer showed up just as I passed out. So I only heard what happened later.

Apparently, he got it into his head to drag me out of the club by my ankles. Springer is as strong as they come; so when he wants to drag something, it gets dragged.

When I woke, my head hurt worse than it should have. I felt bruises everywhere. "Crap," I moaned. I hurt too much to use a stronger word.

"Jase, I hate to say, you gotta quit drinking now."

"Why?"

"Because last night you tried to run with the Hunters. Fortunately, they declined."

Read more from Ted's .

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Michele: I Live My Life Like There's No Tomorrow

I've done things you only read about in true confession magazines. Girls, drugs, decadence. I loved that life. Wouldn't you? Every night listen to people scream my name, and then nothing but broads and blow after that. Ain't talkin' bout love. Not those kinds of broads. I mean the kind that would let you snort 800 dollars worth of cocaine off their breasts and not care if you shared.

But all good things end. I lost my hair, lost my cool and lost the chicks.

For a while, I was runnin' with the devil. Dude knows how to run.

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