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December 18, 2006

12.18.06

Today's theme is "walking the dog."

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David: Mom's Special Boy

Mom tells us to humor him when he does his “yo-yo tricks.” It’s kind of pathetic, really. When he “walks the dog,” all he does is let the yo-yo unspool and lay on the floor. He’s so proud of himself, too, like he accomplished something. We just nod and smile.

Last time he did an “around the world,” consisting of him spinning it in a big circle over his head, the string broke and it smashed a lamp. Mom laughed it off and scurried away to get the broom.

All because he wished Dad into the cornfield that one time.

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Jeff R.:Dog Tired

It's exhausting work, being the personal dog-walker of Dame Elizabeth Alexis Cordonova, although it pays well.

I answered the job listing five weeks ago, and became the latest contractor in her burgeoning personal staff. The staff contained enough drama to fuel a dozen daytime soaps. I tried to stay out, but when the Cook broke things off with the Groomer, the drama came to me. The dogs were poisoned.

You'd have thought that'd make my job easier for a little while, but no. The Taxidermist had them back on the grounds the next day, with roller-skate wheels in each paw.

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Jim: The Sitter

Chained deep underground, the terrible wolf Fenris dreams of apocalyptic Ragnarok when all bonds will burst and the gods will be destroyed.

Every day, he devours those souls unlucky enough to pass through his festering chasm on their way to the underworld of the damned. He gnaws upon his own blood-soaked limbs while ages of oppressive darkness eat at his mind. His ghastly howls shake the earth and make grown men weep. Never has the world seen a monster so horrible as the giant Fenris.

My job is to keep his water bowl clean and walk him twice a day.

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Ted: Salud!

Every once in a great while, there comes a creature who pulls your soul along like it held the leash. These creatures can be beautiful, dutiful, loyal or lazy. But there is no denying the place they earn.

They play with your kids, keep alert for danger, protect your territory, keep your body and spirit young and healthy.

Dogs are exactly such creatures.

They form a bond with men that is durable and flexible: guiding the blind, finding the lost, hunting for game, or just playing catch.

But fuck, I hate having to pick up the shit after going 'walkies.'

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