« Previous Issue | Main | Next Issue »

December 5, 2006

12.05.06

The old gods are walking among us, but they are forced to take on a more mundane form...kinda like Jason Mewes. Who else in public life is actually one of the Old Ones.

(difficulty: must be some human shaped celeb)

• Comments (7)     Bookmark: del.icio.us • Digg • reddit

Tanya: Untitled

“That’s not him.”

“It took us 18 hours of praying and begging, but he finally appeared.”

They watched as the short, paunchy, balding man addressed the leader of their cult. His eyes had deep bags under them, but they also had a twinkle that was utterly infectious.

“No way. Zeus?”

“Yep. You know, he’s famous for his wit. And for transforming himself into waterfowl, and other animals. He can even shapeshift into a woman’s form.”

“I’m going to talk to him.”

The worshipper approached his newly arrived god.

“Zeus? My lord?”

The old deity turned to him. “What’s up, doc?”

• Comments (1)     Bookmark: del.icio.us • Digg • reddit

Jeff R.:Goatso.ng

...wasn't availible, so Bacchus had to go with the .cx domain. He always was a gaping arsehole. It's just more literal these days. The tubgirl, that's Isis, a goddess who's certainly seen better days.

The Gods did the media celebrity thing in the 50s, but that's over. Today it's all internet memes. Loki Lie-Smith, Sky-Walker had his revenge after Lucas stole his name- you know him as 'Star Wars Kid'. You've probably seen Thor around, too, as 'Angry German Kid'.

They don't really need worship, you see, although they like it well enough. They just need to be talked about.

• Comments (0)     Bookmark: del.icio.us • Digg • reddit

David: Adaptation

Hestia wound up a stay-at-home mom in Ohio. Apollo is lifting weights and riding the surf at Venice Beach. Hera got elected to Congress for New York. Hermes is majority stockholder in Fed Ex, but spends his time working at free clinics all over the world. Vulcan and Venus broke up ages ago. Last I heard, he was in Japan, heading up someone’s R&D department.

Now, Venus, she’s made a name for herself recently. With her gender-surpassing good looks and smoldering sexuality, Hollywood was the only place for her. I still don’t get why she married that Brad Pitt, though.

• Comments (0)     Bookmark: del.icio.us • Digg • reddit

Ted: Same old Story

Aphrodite had finally found Ares again. Through the halls of time she had stalked, looking for her lost lover, and the upstart who stole him. Her search of millennia finally over, she relaxed her defenses

Millions had copied her current persona, with her kicky hair, without realizing that they gave her power. She used this power to finally bring Ares back the her.

Until her sitcom got cancelled, and then she was betrayed again by the man she thought she would spend eternity loving. Aphrodite would make Venus pay. Didn't that youngling know that having babies would make her fat?

• Comments (0)     Bookmark: del.icio.us • Digg • reddit

Stacy: Time Passages

Dionysus was tired. Thousands of years and the mortals were still around,. He’d bet Apollo a fiver they wouldn’t last past Vesuvius. Trust Hephaestus to fuck that one up.

Hollywood was the only thing that made life bearable these days: hot young starlets worshipping nightly at the altar of the grape. Their nubile bodies gyrating as they unwittingly whipped up power in his name. On a good night he could feel the weight of centuries dropping away, could almost remember what it was to truly run wild in the night.

“Welcome to the Betty Ford Clinic, Mr. Williams.”

Fucking rehab.

Read more from Stacy's .

• Comments (2)     Bookmark: del.icio.us • Digg • reddit