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November 16, 2006


Today is the 30th Annual Great American Smokeout.

So go ahead. Light one up.

It might just be your last.

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Jim: The New Marlboro Country

Ten light-years from home and surrounded by Jellies, Johnson and I squatted in our foxhole and lit up a final smoke.

Suddenly, one of those squids jumped right into the damned hole. And he had the drop on us.

“Hoomuns,” the word spat from that horrid beak. “Give smoke stick.”

A quivering tentacle grabbed the cigarette and placed it into the beak. One deep puff and the Jelly fell fast asleep.

No Jelly could resist tobacco and they all had the same reaction. We reached the Evac pods an entire carton later.

And Camel Filter Kings became Earth’s greatest weapon.

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Tanya: Traditions

Her voice croaked at me from across the room. Abigail and mother seemed to understand her, but to me it was just a rasp. Like static on an old radio.

Her skin was a pale grey color, and she couldn’t lift her head from the pillows. She was my favorite aunt. She would die at home, in this shabby room. Even the hospice nurse had given up.

I watched until she faded away, waited until everyone left. Then I ripped open the box of Pall Malls that still sat on her nightstand. I found her matches and lit my first.

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Michele: Burn

I need a cigarette.

Fuck, I need a cigarette.

Two months without and the cravings still eat at me. I want to feel the nicotine on my tongue, that burning feeling in my lungs. I need to exhale thick, gray smoke, to smell the sulfur of a match and the burning of the paper. To feel that filter between my teeth once more.

I reach for the pack. Fumble for a cigarette. Strike the match. Draw a deep breath on it. Exhale the smoke.

I take the lit cigarette and stab it out on my arm.

That’ll teach me.


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Ted: Gimme

I fucking LOVE to smoke. I smoke cigars, cigarettes, and even pipes.

Sometimes, late at night, I'll wake up my wife to fuck just so I can have a smoke after.

I have a humidor filled with $8 cigars for dailies and $20 specials.

I hate these pussy, loser, 'don't smoke in the restaraunt/bar/hospital' assholes who are trying to make ME quit smoking. Fuck them, I pay my own insurance, I buy my own smokes.

If the government, any government, REALLY wanted to do something about tobacco, they would stop taxing it and make it illegal.

Until then, SHUT UP!

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