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October 25, 2006

10.25.06

Today's theme was a reader suggestion, so thanks to the person who left this in the suggestion box.

Imagine a character who had an unusual occupation, and an urgent reason for telling us about it. Now, in 100 words, let the character speak.

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A small man turns to face the camera:

"'ello my name is Edward and I 'ave been asked to tell you about 'dese squirrel-rats in Enfield" He pauses.

"I have to inspect every squirrel and rat in Enflield to make sure dey ain't squirrel rats." He pauses looking keen into the camera

"You see the little buggers are shagging like Big Brother contestants and producing rat-squirrels. Rats that can climb trees!'

"Cut'," cries the cameraman, "you can't say shagging!"

"Wot but they is shagging..."

"Why not say mating?"

"Have you seen em' at it...I kin tell you its shagging mate!"

Posted by: Andrew Ian Dodge at October 25, 2006 8:36 AM · Permalink

People come to me through the local parish.
Like the woman I'm sitting beside now.
She's scared.
She doesn't know what's going to
happen, or how it will happen.
She starts to panic.
I touch her face with both my hands, and I hold her.
My eyes tell her the truth and that I understand.
She calms some. Her head eases back.
We smile at one another.
Her eyes widen and her breathing dwindles to a
whisper.
I hold her a good while even after she's gone.
I cry for her.

I offer a service. I do not accept pay.

Posted by: Ben Martini at October 25, 2006 10:40 AM · Permalink

The man stepped up the microphone, swatting bits of fluff from his clothing.

The moderator said, "Sir, please state your name and your concern."

"M'name's Seamus. I shear sheep. The sheik's sheep. The sixth sheik's sheep, actually. Shearing the skeik's sheep? Shockingly simple. The sheep - Sheeba, Sherry, Shandra, Shannon, Sheila, Shiloh and Schlomo - are sheared and then shampooed. But now! The sixth shiek has me shoveling! Sheep shit! So I shear the sixth sheik's sheep and shovel sheep shit!"

The moderator nodded. "And your concern, Seamus?"

"How am I going to have time to teach elocution at the local college?"

Posted by: Susan at October 25, 2006 4:14 PM · Permalink

“Madame Chairperson, you have the floor.”

“Thank you, sir. And thanks to all of you who appointed me to this post.”

*Applause*

“I love hard questions. It’s really more of a passion of mine. Difficult questions, to me, I find, well I find them difficult. And, it’s the question’s being difficult that I find so…. Well. Difficult.”

“So, with that being said, and without further aah dew, let me present to you, the committee, the List.”

“The list of the top nine most difficult questions ever to be asked!”

*Applause*

“Madame Chairperson?” “Why are there nine questions?”

“Don’t ask me!”

Posted by: Kasac at October 25, 2006 6:17 PM · Permalink

THE ARTIST

“The guns, the killing, the big explodey and then roll credits. So very Twentieth Century.

“I am here to establish the new End-Trope. To pick your primate brains up, shake the nits out, and teach you how to be human beings.

“Instead of the shootout; the realization. Instead of the kick-to-the-head; the word. Don’t worry. The thrill of cultural carjackings and endless loops of classic action motifs will survive the transition.

“But the payoff must be different. There are other ways to resolve conflict. We must begin to demonstrate. To educate.

“We have a whole new century waiting for us.”

Posted by: PB McCoy at October 25, 2006 7:35 PM · Permalink

"Give me your hand" he shouted. I found this demand a bit strange, although not as strange as what I was seeing and feeling. Hard points of light glittered and twirled all around, all colors of the rainbow, and I felt as though I was hurtling through space. I didn't know how I had gotten here. I remembered sitting down next to my kids, waiting for the elephants to come in.

"I am the trapeze master, and we're not using a net today. Next time you come to the circus, stay out of the chair marked DO NOT SIT HERE!"

Posted by: bluce ree at October 25, 2006 11:44 PM · Permalink