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January 9, 2006

January 9, 2006

What's that going out in the trash that you don't want anyone to know about?

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They made fruit smoothies by day and killed babies by night.

We found the tiny corpses in the dumpster behind the Blend-O-Rama. If it hadn't have been for a hungry stray dog, we'd have never known it was a front for a backalley abortion clinic.

The problem is, it's not their dumpster. And the geniuses at Crime Lab screwed the evidence in a mixup. Someone got high on seized weed, had the aborted tykes incinerated.

All they're getting is a health code citation and a slap on the wrist.

Word spreads fast. Their business is booming now, day and night.

Posted by: Major Tom at January 9, 2006 7:45 AM · Permalink

We fill our lives with trash and our trash with lives until we're nothing more than a wasteland of wasted flesh-wasting flesh.

And I was embarrassed at the quanity of beer bottles in my trash... yeesh!

Posted by: twisted noggin at January 9, 2006 1:30 PM · Permalink

Hey twisted, EXACTLY one hundred words please.

Posted by: Ted at January 9, 2006 1:50 PM · Permalink

Sure, you could get a shredder, compact your waste into tiny bricks, or cart your refuse directly to the dump, but why not think outside the bin, as it were.

Here are Red Herring Rubbish we can provide an unlimited supply of false trails for your over-curious neighbors to spend weeks attempting to unravel with discarded correspondence ranging from plaintive notes from long-lost relatives to blackmail notes and death-threats. And our advanced package includes even more convincing physical evidence: used pregnancy tests, empty prescription bottles from the mundane to the frightening, and even blood-encrusted weapons. All for $19.99 a month.

Posted by: Jeff R. at January 9, 2006 2:15 PM · Permalink

Living in a building with old nosey neighbors - I love that story!!!

Where do I sign up?

Posted by: kasac at January 9, 2006 2:48 PM · Permalink

You're a sick SOB, Major Tom.

Two thumbs up.

Posted by: Laurence Simon at January 9, 2006 4:17 PM · Permalink

Check before you post!