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November 4, 2005

Volume 8, Issue 4

Searching through today's pile of mail, you find an invitation to....

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Comments

"You are invited to apply for our new lower-rate credit card..."

Toss.

"You are already pre-approved..."

Toss.

"Apply now for a lower rate and save on balance transfer..."

Toss.

"Spend three days and two nights at our exclusive time-share resort..."

Toss.

"You are invited to our midnight madness sale..."

Toss.

"Mr. and Mrs. X cordially invite you to the wedding of their daughter, Y, to Dr. Z, to be held at..."

Hmmm, that might be a keeper. No, wait, weren't the X's the ones that blocked us from building the shed in our back yard?

Crumple. Toss with extreme prejudice.

Posted by: hnumpah at November 4, 2005 6:40 AM · Permalink

Don't forget the surprise retirement party this afternoon at two o'clock! I know that not all of us got along with old Frank -- he could be a real pain in the butt sometimes -- but let's try to put all that aside and send the old boy out to pasture on a positive note. His office furniture has already been spoken for, but that beat-up old typewriter he kept around is still available. ;)

I guess the surprise is blown. These morons can't even figure out how to edit an e-mail address list.

I will be sooooooo glad to leave this dump!

Posted by: Don Wiggins at November 4, 2005 7:24 AM · Permalink

Actual emails:
My name is Brooke Skye, please visit me!
Let us pay for Thanksgiving dinner!
Abercrombie or American Eagle? Tell Us And Get $500 Of Clothes!
$B@h9TEPO?3+;O!*!ZCK@-![(B
Baixe agora mesmo o cupom que lhe dará direito de participar da promoção Vivo e ...
RBC Centura Consumer Notice
Tiffany & Co. - Complimentary Heart Necklace
RBC CENTURA BANK NOTICE
Target Customer #950678812
XBOX Delivery Confirmation
882X488
JC Penny - Offer Confirmation #501R-VBEC810
SHOWTIME Customer #216A737389
MCDONALDS Customer #895-A432
Best Buy - Customer #45R-VBEC427
Circuit City GiftCard Confirmation #3658-VACC6735
IPOD NANO Customer #523863
Starbucks Member #418623247
Do you like Google or Yahoo?
READ AND RESPOND SWIFTLY!!!!!

Posted by: hnumpah at November 4, 2005 11:36 AM · Permalink

“Go screw yourself!” I swore, tossing the letter aside.

“What did you say, Fred?” demanded the green-headed duck, feathers ruffled and glaring at me with one eye and then the other.

“Not you,” I quickly answered. “The clinic wants me to attend a group session so I can talk to other people in my same situation.”

“That seems reasonable,” he replied. “What’s wrong with that? Do those other people make you feel depressed?”

“Not really. Well… I don’t know how to tell you this.”

“Just say it, Fred.”

“It’s just that I can’t stand being around all those damn ducks.”

Posted by: Jim Parkinson at November 4, 2005 4:00 PM · Permalink