« Volume 7, Issue 8 | Main | D: Impersonating a Police Officer »

October 9, 2005

Volume 7, Issue 9

Somebody has been arrested.

Bookmark: del.icio.us • Digg • reddit

Comments

The officer gulped as the carriage driver he had stopped for speeding told him his name. "Uh, I'm sorry, sir, you may go on your way," he stammered. "Please do slow down, though, so as not to endanger others on the streets."

"Officer, do your duty!" came the thunderous reply from the cigar-chewing driver.

Nervously, the officer arrested the driver and impounded the horse and carriage, and took the driver to the station house. There, the driver paid a small fine for speeding. Then Ulysses S. Grant, President of the United States, had to walk back to the White House.

Posted by: hnumpah at October 9, 2005 7:57 AM · Permalink

“Why do you do this?” grumbled the surly man in the back seat.

I expected the usual insults or pleading. So the question took me off guard. “What?”

“This.” He lifted his handcuffs.

“That’s simple,” I grinned. “Somebody gets arrested. Nothing new; happens every day. You pay 10% to the bondsman and he posts the other 90%. Then you skip bail. I guess you figure you’d rather lose the money than go to prison. So the bondsman pays me bring you back.”

“Not that,” he growled. “This!”

“Tattooing BOY TOY on your wrists? Just consider it part of the service.”

Posted by: Jim Parkinson at October 9, 2005 11:15 AM · Permalink

(AP) Somewheresville, USA. Arrested today was WBFD news director, Kay Hawkin, under allegations of reporting factual news that didn't have a bias. "It's downright cruelty to give the public the news without also giving them their opinion about it. People should not only receive the facts but a framework or perspective about how to view those facts," reported ABC network affliate information disseminator, Monica Newman. Kay Hawkin claimed she was just trying to report the facts. Meanwhile, the inhabitants of Somewheresville writhed in agony, unable to even change the channel. They were barbarically given the burden of thinking for themselves.

Posted by: Eric at October 9, 2005 2:55 PM · Permalink

My phone rings.
WHO?! Is ringing my phone this early in the morning? DAMMIT!!
I check my 'Caller ID'.
OH SH--! It's the 'I NEED AN ALIBI ASSHOLE!'
I am wondering ..WHAT NOW?!?!
I wait for voice mail to take the call..
My give a shit is BUSTED!
I've no need for that soul sucker anymore!!
"HEY, I need to use your DL. I just took out a light pole w/ an elevated crane. The cops are here. Can i use your name and DL#?
I call him back on his cell.Then,tell him to find another 'FRIEND'!'FALL-GUY'!!

Posted by: Chris at October 10, 2005 11:22 PM · Permalink