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October 8, 2005

Volume 7, Issue 8

The ATM says you have no money in your account.

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Frank saw it was almost ten p.m., and stuck his card in and requested $20. The late nights would be over soon, he thought, then he could cut back, spend more time with his wife.

The machine spat his card back at him. 'Funds not available', the screen informed him. He tried again, same response. Time to figure it out in the morning, he decided, I'll just find something in the fridge.

The note was on the kitchen table, with the ATM receipt and a withdrawal slip from their savings account on top of it.

She'd gotten tired of waiting.

Posted by: hnumpah at October 8, 2005 7:18 AM · Permalink

"Thirty million dollar winner in the multistate lottery finds no money in his account using ATM."
Reads the first line of the news story that leads us to understand why Mr. Jeremy the lotto winner is applying for work in the fast food hamburger joint.
"I'm dependable, reliable and enthusiastic about my work." says Mr. Jeremy
"Minimum wage will be a fine start!" he effuses
"All I need is a chance." he muses about how one of his "chances" turn out
"Thanks for the opportunity Mr. Williams."
So goes the result of a small donation to the "Katrina" relief fund.

Posted by: Mike Rhodes at October 8, 2005 7:47 AM · Permalink

Sam hung up the phone.
"Chuck called, gig tonight."
"Fantastic! Where?"
"Ted's. 8 'til closing. Three Hundred bucks, and half the bottle deposits."

Sounded good, until...

"Of course, I'll need my banjo."

Crap. Why does every yodeling frontman wanna play the banjo?
No time for arguments, though. I grabbed my washboard and triangle.

"Fine. Let's hit the ATM, then the pawnshop."

ATM was useless, dammit. Zero dollars, zero cents.
Suzi, my girl, must have hit it first.
Moe at the pawnshop confirmed it -- her squeezebox was gone.

NOW I know why Mom said "Never trust a girl with an accordion."

Posted by: Randy Shane at October 8, 2005 9:55 AM · Permalink

“There are insufficient funds available for that transaction,” said a calm and melodious voice, copying the words flashing on the tiny screen.

“What the hell? There’s plenty of cash in my account.” With gloved hands, I pounded the identification code onto the keypad, finishing with the friendly green Enter button.

“There are insufficient funds. I cannot process that transaction.”

“Damn bloody machine,” I mouthed silently. “C’mon,” I pleaded aloud, typing the code in more carefully this time.

“You know I can read lips, Dave. That wasn’t very nice.”

“Please, HAL. Just take the cash and open the damn pod-bay doors.”

Posted by: Jim Parkinson at October 8, 2005 11:03 AM · Permalink

I had in my palm the hand of a lifetime. Three grand in the hole and I had to fold because I was out of cash. I could put the deed to my car down but that would mean I have a problem. And since I don't have gambling problem I don't do that. Also, I don't withdraw a lot of cash at once, I do it in small amounts so I have time to think about it. Granted, 20 trips tonight alone, but I feel a lucky streak comin' on-- What? Insufficient funds! Can't be--where'd I park my car?"

Posted by: Eric at October 9, 2005 3:51 AM · Permalink