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October 24, 2005

Volume 7, Issue 24

You're in the middle of a category 3 hurricane, the rain is pouring down, the wind is gusting hard enough to rattle the windows. Suddenly, there's a knock on your front door...

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"Who is it?" my wife yelled, loud enough to be heard over the storm.

I managed a look out the peephole. "It's that dumbass from the storm channel," I yelled back. "You know, the moron that's always standing out in 130 mile an hour winds and rain on the TV."

"Well, what does he want?"

"Sounds like he needs help ... He's pretty bloody. I bet a damn tree blew down on the stupid bastard."

"Well, let him in."

"Like bloody hell," I roared. "If that damned idiot ain't got sense enough to come in outta the rain, it's his problem."

Posted by: hnumpah at October 24, 2005 5:16 AM · Permalink

“Tap tap”, the volunteer says as she knocks on my pretend door. I’ve got pretend walls too,. I stole some tape from the idiot one row over and outlined walls on the floor. I’m sick and tired of havin no privacy. I sit here with nothing to do, no entertainment at all. And, I gotta get up and stand in line to get fed, they oughta bring me it! They oughta serve me proper with good food, like McDonalds, not this soup kitchen crap. I don’t know who’s runnin this Astrodome, but I’d like to give’em a piece of mind!

Posted by: kasac at October 24, 2005 7:53 AM · Permalink

The peephole revealed nobody out front. But when I heard the knock a second time, I carefully cracked open the door.

“Can I come in, Fred?” quacked the green-headed duck as he waddled inside anyway. I’m not a duck expert, but I think he was a mallard.

“Interesting weather, eh?” he asked.

“It’s a good day for…” I began but stopped at his disapproving scowl.

“I don’t have much time, Fred. Let’s go.”

“But there’s a tempest outside. I can’t go out in that!”

“There are no hurricanes in Idaho, Fred.” With that statement, he led me off to Insanity.

Posted by: Jim Parkinson at October 24, 2005 8:40 AM · Permalink

They found me. “Yes?”

“Mary Sue, come out. We’ve gone to a lot of trouble to retrieve you.”

“What, this storm? Some ‘trouble.’ It’s just words on a page! It’s not real!”

“Precisely, Mary Sue. Your continued efforts are necessary to the continuation of this Creation. You are an Author. That is your role.”

“I won’t do it. These are good people. I just want to live here among them.”

“It is forbidden. Insertion of the Author warps the Creation. The Characters suffer. It is inevitable.”

“I can restrain myself.”

“You cannot. Come home, Mary Sue. Your Fans miss you.”

Posted by: David at October 24, 2005 11:30 AM · Permalink

“Someone’s at the door?”

“Who could it be? Could it be the 125 mile an hour winds trying to bust it down? Or maybe some light debris like a TRUCK OR SOMETHING? There’s no one at the door. All the sensible people left already. Did we? Noooo, you just couldn’t miss CSI Miami.”

Marge ignored him, stuffed another moon pie in her mouth and wiped her chocolatey fingers on the ‘frivolous cheeseburger lawsuit’ rejection letter.

Frank opened the door.

“Les Nessman here reporting live and asking the question for our radio audience, ‘why in the world did you stay here?’”

Posted by: Eric at October 24, 2005 6:18 PM · Permalink

Didn't CSI Miami do an episode in the aftermath of a hurricane? Maybe they should have shown that one to Marge.

Posted by: D at October 25, 2005 1:34 AM · Permalink

I don't know...I was never really into CSI Miami...I'm a purist, it's the original CSI or nothing...right now it's nothing...they don't have that in Japan.

Posted by: Eric at October 25, 2005 2:40 AM · Permalink