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September 27, 2005

Volume 6, Issue 27

Sure, it's only September. But I'm in full Halloween mode already.

Tell us a story that involves a witch, a skeleton and a ghost.

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Comments

Jack is drunk.

He says, "a witch, a skeleton, and a ghost walk into a bar."

He doesn't notice that he is spilling beer on Tina's sandals, that her toes are wet and sticky. He's also missed the look on her face because he's talking with everyone but her.

"The bartender asks, what can I get you?"

"The skeleton says, I'll take a beer, my ghost friend will have a shot.

"The bartender asks, what about her?

"The skeleton says, don't ask. She's a fucking witch."

Silence.

Tina says, "this is pointless," and walks away.

"See?" Jack says. "Fucking witch."

Posted by: bgfay at September 27, 2005 9:14 AM · Permalink

"I need help here; got a GSW coming in."

The intern rushed forward. He couldn't see any bullet wounds. "Doesn't look like a gunshot wound."

"Gunshot wound? No, this is your basic Ghost, Skeleton, Witch incident. Guy gets startled by your ghost. So he runs straight into the skeleton. Turns again, still panicking, and bumps into the witch, who, offended, lays a curse on him. Loss of bowel control in this case. Then the three split his cash while he's soiling himself, then vamoose before the cops arrive."

"I...see. Does that happen...a lot?"

"This town? More than you'd think, kid."

Posted by: Jeff R. at September 27, 2005 1:07 PM · Permalink

Quakeing with fear they sood by the door
Eyeing the lights that washed over the floor
Last stop tonight on an eve of sweet things
Problem is this one might be their undooing
They've been so successful collecting their booty
The bags fairly ripping in two with their candy
Just one more old lady who lives up this driveway
Jeeze it is dark and cold up this runway
So Casper the ghost and Wendy the witch
Met the ol' pervert skeleton--Bones--that son o' a bitch
The old lady costume had again worked it's magic
Once more for two kids the outcome was tragic

Posted by: MIKE at September 27, 2005 2:16 PM · Permalink

In other neighborhoods, these festivities would have been called a live party.

Not this party, though. This was the pre-Halloween planning party for the dead and the damned. And everybody who was anybody, or had once been anybody, turned out for it.

The bones of a voodoo shaman rattled next to a trio of witches muttering thrices over a simmering cauldron. “What’s with that guy?” he asked, pointing a fleshless finger bone at a ghost wandering aimlessly around with spectral chickens under each arm.

“Oh, he’s new,” cackled a witch. “And not very bright. He wants to be a poultry-geist.”

Posted by: Jim Parkinson at September 27, 2005 5:23 PM · Permalink

"Oh, my bones ache."

"You always say that. There's nothing else that could ache with you, you boney bastard."

"Oh, ha, ha, ha, I haven't heard that one before. Today.

"I'm working on a joint potion for you right now, Mr. Whiney. You should be rattling around like a newly-bleached skeleton in no time." She stirred the pot a bit. A toad floated to the surface.

"Oh, ick," said the skeleton. "What is it with witches and toads?"

"Doooooooooooooooo."

"Ignore him," said the witch.

"Doooooooooooooooo."

"Who is that?"

"The ghost sent to haunt me for paying my bills late."

"Bummer."

Posted by: cranky-d at September 27, 2005 11:23 PM · Permalink

Does nobody remember that the punchline to the witch, skeleton and ghost joke is that the bartender refuses to serve spirits? Or is the real joke that nobody wants to write the joke?

Posted by: D at September 28, 2005 1:15 AM · Permalink

I didn't even know there was a real joke. I thought I just pulled the theme out of my ass!

Posted by: michele at September 28, 2005 2:03 AM · Permalink