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September 19, 2005

Volume 6, Issue 19

We have had a theme about piracy once before, so what. In honor of Talk Like A Pirate Day, you must actually use some saucy pirate lingo within your 100 words today. Oh, and it has to be include at least three speakers.

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D: Yarr!

Dirk Bluethorn swung from the mast sail down onto the fo'c'scle, landing sprightly with the steady-legs of an able-bodied mariner. Taking a tot of brandy from the captain's barrel he gagged and spit onto the decks where it steamed briefly and burnt the wood.

"Oi!" barked Captain Redbeard, drawing his cutlass from his belt "Ye be cleaning that mess up right smartly or I'll string you up by your cannonballs! That were my own special brew!"

"That brandy was foul!" protested Dirk, "You didn't expect me to swallow that did you?"

"Eh?" asked Seaman Swallows as he swabbed the decks.

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Michele: Pissing in the Wind

They sailed the seas
night and day
in search of land and treasure

Grim they were,
ripe and dirty,
the crew of SS Pleasure

They beat their wenches.
hoisted grog,
and sang shanties on the deck

And when they docked
they raped and pillaged,
left each town a wreck

“We have no fear!”
the captain laughed,
as he pissed into the sea

“No quarter!”
cried the first mate
as he also aimed his pee

And then the Pleasure
began to list
and the sides to give

Poseidon reared his head above
“That will teach you
to piss where I live!”

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Stacy: A Slight Revision

"...and shall hang by the neck until dead, dead, dead."

"This is a sorry end," thought Calico Jack Rackham as he was led from the courtroom and out into the sweltering Jamaican sun. He wondered where Anne and that twat Mary had gotten to after their arrest, hoped they’d managed to escape.

As the noose was fitted around his neck, Jack saw a flash of white on the edge of the crowd. Anne Bonney herself, disguised in stolen finery...and pointing a pistol at his heart. "I love you," she mouthed, and pulled the trigger.

"That's me bonny lass," whispered Jack.

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From the Comments: Cranky D

"Arr, wench, a cup of grog for me," he said.

"What kind of beer do you want?" she asked. "And don't call me wench."

"My apologies, lass, 'tis 'Talk Like a Pirate Day,' don't ya' know. Arr."

"Should I come back?"

"No, thanks, I'll have a pitcher of Summit Seasonal. Two glasses."


His friends arrived a bit later.

"Arrr," he said.

"Arrr," one replied.

"Shiver me timbers," said the other.

They sat down at the table.

"Another glass, wench," said the glassless one. "Arr."

"You don't know any more pirate phrases, do you?"


"Me neither."




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Ted: A Pirate Looks at 400

"Ahoy wench, have ya seen me pegleg?"

"Edward, don't do that. I'll go to HR if this doesn't stop."

"But ye see lassie, if'n I don't get me bilges pumped, I'll be full to the scuppers."

"You have a wife..."

"Or three"

"...or three to take care of that scuppers problem for ye, I mean you."

"Hi guys, what's up?"

"You had to go and re-animate him of all people. Why, Brad?"

"Aww Doris, relax. I happened to know where Blackbeard here was killed so it made it easy to temporally locate him. Besides, he really is a great salesman."

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