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August 31, 2005

Volume 5, Issue 31

One simple word today:

Vanished.

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Comments

God, I hate this freaking box.

Don't complain, it's thanks to you we're in here.

Shut up.

You shut up. You should have moved on. Everyone was telling you to move on. But you didn't, and now we're stuck in a goddamn box.

Not my fault.

Yes, yes it was. What kind of retard would take a sleeping pill from a self-avowed kidnapper? You should have hired some Irish muscle to beat the information out of him.

I'm not a violent person.

And now you're buried alive in a box, arguing with yourself. The Darwin Award goes to you. Congratulations.

Posted by: G-Do at August 31, 2005 9:33 AM · Permalink

Things vanish all the time. It's quantum.

They don't go someplace else; they just completely stop being. It has to happen when nobody is watching them, of course. Pocket Combs, pens, and the like pop out of existence on a regular basis. Socks too, naturally. That's why people like to watch their laundry go 'round and 'round in the dryer. Deep down, they know it's important.

You've heard of the Marie Celeste? Tragic spontaneous mass existence failure. Everyone just happened to blink at exactly the same instant, and away they all went. Same thing happened to the colony at Roanoke.

Posted by: Jeff R. at August 31, 2005 4:36 PM · Permalink

"And now, for my next trick, I shall make the audience vanish!" said The Fantastic Femto. The audience gasped and applauded his audacity. "Hey presto!" he said, and in a massive puff of stage-smoke, the audience disappeared.

"Wha-what?" said Fred, the producer. "What did you do with them?"

"A good magician never - "

"Where are they?"

Femto pursed his lips and turned away.

"But - we'll be sued! The investors will bail! We'll go bankrupt, we'll be ruined!" Fred was near tears. "You have to do something, you have to fix it!"

"Fine," Femto said, disgusted. "Presto-motherfucking-change-o."

Nothing happened.

"Oops," said Femto.

Posted by: G-Do at August 31, 2005 8:22 PM · Permalink