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August 23, 2005

Volume 5, Issue 23

Today is not the day for single word themes!

Today is not the day for photo themes!

Today is not the day for random quote themes!

For today is a day of great import!

Write like a yellow journalist today describing something totally insignificant.

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Comments

A Call to Arms!

Once more, our mothers are called upon to sacrifice their sons. Once more, the flower of our youth must man the guns!

We have been most foully attacked. Attacked by the Enemies of Purity! Attacked by those who would besmirch the name of our fair Land! O, havoc!

There is but one response. There is but one answer. There is but one Battle Cry that must resonate from our throats.

As we remember the Maine, as we remember Pearl Harbor, so must we remember this Vile Provocation!

How dare they flick a booger on our windshield?

Posted by: Elisson at August 23, 2005 10:42 AM · Permalink

DOG BITES MAN!!
Carnivorous Canine Causes Chaos

Washington - A Tenleytown man today was bitten by a loose dog in the street. Neighbors said he had been taunting the terrier with a piece of bacon all morning. "It was terrifying," said the victim, 34 year-old George Peril. "Foaming at the mouth, barking, and advocating Marxism. I've never been so scared!"

Andrew Useless, a Senior Fellow at the Heritage Foundation, noted that dog attacks are rapidly becoming the largest cause of US deaths, soon to surpass bee stings and shark bites. "Most people simply have no idea of the dangers," said Useless.

Posted by: Thomas at August 23, 2005 12:43 PM · Permalink

***FLASH*** STOMACH PAINS RACK JOURNALIST ***FLASH***

WORLD EXCLUSIVE MUST CREDIT

Man, I don't feel so good. I've got these stomach pains like I, I don't know, like I ate an anvil or something. I probably shouldn't have gone for that fourth slice of pizza at dinner. But it was double linguica.

BREAKING HARD FRIDAY NIGHT!!!

UPDATE: 11:18 PM

Woke up, then barely made it into the john on time. Banged my knee on the frame pretty hard. Twenty minutes on the throne, and half a can of disinfectant later, I think I might be done.

UPDATE 12:04 AM

Wasn't.

Developing...

Posted by: Jeff R. at August 23, 2005 12:56 PM · Permalink

Have Dogs More Brains Than Cats? Zoologic Scandal At The Journal!

Dear Reader, you may gape at the gaffes of Pulitzer's press. This morning, the Journal's shoddy editing allowed a startling omission - contrary to the assertions made in its headlining story, only the smaller Asian dog-breeds have more brains than cats.

"What? Oh, yes, that's right." We quote Poindexter P Pimmelsalts, PhD, a dogged zoologist at the University of Pennsylvania.

We wonder what The Journal has to gain from obscuring clear and indisputable fact. This reporter doesn't know their agenda, but one thing is clear - its subtext is Spanish aggression.

Posted by: G-Do at August 23, 2005 3:44 PM · Permalink

Late, as usual, but here ya go.

AC

P.S. - Via A Small Victory.

Posted by: Andrew at August 25, 2005 4:49 AM · Permalink