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August 20, 2005

Volume 5, Issue 20

It's the middle of the night, you're sleeping peacefully. A loud crash somewhere in the house jolts you awake. What's going on?

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"Henry Kissinger!" I exclaim. "What are you doing here?"

Kissinger looks at the kitchen floor and shuffles his feet. "Nothing," he says.

I survey the scene. The mice are out. They have blueprints of the house and small stockpiles of mouse-sized weapons.

"Henry," I say, trying to remain calm, "are you encouraging the mice to take up arms against me? Because that would violate the Prime Directive, Henry."

"Yeah," says Kissinger.

"Well, you're not supposed to tell him!" shouts a mouse with a tiny beret.

"I didn't sign on for this crap," says Kissinger. "You guys are on your own."

Posted by: G-Do at August 19, 2005 10:56 PM · Permalink

Loud noise woke me in the middle of the night . I opened my eyes and there was a brilliant flash and then total darkness.

I looked over at my wife. Like a log. Never heard anything.

Got up , stumbled into the kids room. They were okay, sound asleep.

Wandered room to room , trying to figure out what happened. No fires , nothing fallen
down , no earthquake tremors. Oven off , stove off , Water heater Ok.

Went back to bed.. I’ll check it in the morning.

“ This guy had an aneurism the size of a small orange .”

“Exploded…. he was dead immediately”

Posted by: drackip at August 20, 2005 12:59 AM · Permalink

This topic reminded me of a story my college roommate told.

“ We were all asleep, and early in the morning there was this tremendous crash, with the sound of glass breaking. Everyone ran downstairs to see what had happened. Dad had put up a partition between the living room and the dining room, with glass shelves hanging from the ceiling. Mom had put her nice plates and crystal on the shelves. Anyway, the support had pulled loose from the ceiling and everything was on the floor. Mom looked at the mess, said ‘Mazel tov,’ and went back to bed.”

Posted by: ErnieG at August 20, 2005 5:15 AM · Permalink

Friday night. The usual. Dinner, couple glasses of wine, rented movie.

The kids had a few friends over, listening to CD’s. I acted the part of the Discreet Daddy and mostly left them alone. We kept our bedroom door cracked so we could hear if things started getting out of hand downstairs.

Thanks to the two knocks of wine, I slept like the dead. You could’ve taken a bullet out of my ass with a grapefruit spoon and I would’ve slept right through it.

“Crash!”

A horrendous noise jolted me awake.

“Hey, you kids! Turn that fucking Dave Matthews down!”

Posted by: Elisson at August 20, 2005 10:43 AM · Permalink

I heard the crash and felt the searing heat at the same time, and rolled over, groggily trying to clear my head, as the roof caved in. Whatever had come blasting through my bedroom had taken out about four feet of the walls on three sides, barely two feet over the bed. Somehow, I was unhurt, and managed to dig myself out of the rubble and out the back of what was left of my house. There, in my pool, a 20-foot diameter saucer hissed and steamed. A hatch opened, and an eye-stem peeped out like some sort of periscope ...

Posted by: hnumpah at August 20, 2005 5:23 PM · Permalink