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June 18, 2005

Volume 2, Issue 18

Just for today, pretend you are a mathematician.

What are the recurring numbers in your life?

How do they cypher?

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Comments

Nine times one hundred- nine hundred. Approximately nine hundred needles piercing my eardrums. Nine hundred needles continuing through to my brain at thirty three and a third rotations per minute. Nausea and hopelessness engulf me, and the pain will not subside.

No one will come near me. I endure this by myself. I know now that one is NOT the loneliest number; it's nine.

It didn't used to be like this; More importantly, it didn't have to be like this. NINE, NINE, NINE: It burns!

Damn you, John. DAMN you, Yoko. This is not a revolution. This is just revolting.

Posted by: Adam at June 18, 2005 6:06 AM · Permalink

Sleep was long in coming. I tossed and turned for a while, before getting out of bed. I glanced at the clock. 3:14 AM. I considered my options. Finally. I decided to head to an all-night diner up the road for a late-night snack.

I took note of the address as I walked in. 314 Main Street. I took a seat at the counter, and flipped absently through the menu.

“So what’ll it be?” the waitress asked.

“What can you recommend?”

“How about a piece of pie?” she replied.

“How much is that?”

“$3.14, with tax”

How could I refuse?

Posted by: No One of Consequence at June 18, 2005 9:04 AM · Permalink

Adam, the first thing that went through my head when I saw this theme was "number 9....number 9..."

Posted by: michele at June 18, 2005 9:59 AM · Permalink

Each calculation was one more piece to the puzzle, one more number in the combination sequence.

I studied with the best for years, honing my math skills. I took on the most difficult theorems. Every stroke of the chalk on slate was like an instrument in the orchestra and every formula was a symphony with me as the conductor.

Now, after all this time, after years of moving forward and stepping back, I was so close to the answer. One last calculation and...eureka!

So that's how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll pop.

Posted by: Shawn at June 18, 2005 10:37 AM · Permalink

My bowels have given me trouble all my life.

It doesn’t matter what I eat. It doesn’t matter what I drink. Every day brings a new, painful struggle of sweating and straining.

Ever see a dog try to crap out a peach pit? All of that shaking, whining misery? That’s me.

Every. Fucking. Day.

Medications? I’ve tried ’em all. Some have offered temporary relief, but eventually my “little problem” manifests itself in even more grotesque ways. I despair of being able to live a normal life.

Oh, what I wouldn’t give to be able to crap out a natural log.

Posted by: Elisson at June 18, 2005 11:52 AM · Permalink

Michele- Two peas in a pod. Nine peas in nine pods- dammit- make it stop...

Posted by: Adam at June 18, 2005 12:02 PM · Permalink

Is this your first trip to the Mathematics Department, Helen? Don’t be afraid - these guys are basically harmless.

Look around you. Most of these guys were pretty normal looking babies. Pretty normal kids doing pretty normal things. But sooner or later they all discovered numbers, equations, polynomials.

Then something happens. They let themselves go. No more sports or girls or anything. It’s all about the numbers. They live for them. They eat, breathe and dream in numbers. It’s like a sickness…a mental illness.

Want to know why there are so few women mathematicians, Helen? Because you women are usually sane.

Posted by: Jim Parkinson at June 18, 2005 12:10 PM · Permalink

I sit and think upon the day’s topic
While their names float in my head.
What would be a really nifty trick?
And what’s the common thread?

Archimedes is one well-known math name -
A genius through and through.
Although he could really play the math game
He ended up getting screwed.

This list of names becomes real trouble,
Aristotle, Bernoulli, Kepler and Bohr;
Copernicus, Einstein, Fermat and Hubble;
Descartes, Mandelbrot, Doppler and more.

What set these famous names upon this path?
What’s the common thread?
For one thing, they were all good at math.
And another thing, they’re all dead.

Posted by: Jim Parkinson at June 18, 2005 12:44 PM · Permalink

Niles rummaged around in the pantry, finally finding a box of breakfast cereal. 'Digi-oats', he read on the box. Crispy, frosted oat numerals, guaranteed to stay crispy, even in milk. Some low-priced knock off on Alpha-bits, he thought, his wife's idea of a joke. Oh, well, he needed breakfast, so he poured a bowl full, retrieved the milk from the refrigerator and poured it on, added a sprinkle of sugar just to be sure. Finally, he sat down and flipped open his notebook to review yesterday's math formulas, lifted a spoonful of cereal to his mouth, and started number crunching.

Posted by: hnumpah at June 18, 2005 1:16 PM · Permalink

The two weary detectives looked through the newspaper clippings again.

School Bus Crashes – 19 Dead. “Ape Man” Seen Fleeing.

At-Large Troglodyte Causes Fire, Killing 31 People.

59 Dead in Mysterious Caveman Flood.

Ape Man Storms Nursing Home, 13 Elderly Murdered.

“We’ve got to catch this ape man, Johnson. Before he kills again.”

“Wait a minute, Captain. These numbers are a clue.”

“What do you mean, Johnson.”

“Look at this one here. 17 Die From Caveman Rockslide. Can’t you see? The deaths? They’re all prime numbers. So we know this ape man is prime evil!”

“Go home, Johnson. Get some rest.”

Posted by: Jim Parkinson at June 18, 2005 2:45 PM · Permalink

Oy.

Posted by: Elisson at June 18, 2005 3:25 PM · Permalink

Elisson, I couldn't have said it better myself.

Posted by: Jim Parkinson at June 18, 2005 5:34 PM · Permalink

Numbers always fascinated him. Numbers were friends, logical and orderly; they never deceived you, even when they were as yet unknown.

He devoted his life to numbers, ten years as a student, and thirty more in research.

It was the outside world that he couldn't figure out. The people who deceived you, hurting you for casual pleasure, or worse, for no reason at all.

Now his life was devoted to a different type of numb-er, one that dealt with the constant loneliness and pain. This numb-er was both a friend and a deceiver.

The name of this numb-er was gin.

Posted by: Gahrie at June 18, 2005 7:37 PM · Permalink