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May 28, 2005

Volume 1, Issue 16

Imagine a day like any other ordinary day. Then, you see this:

Explain.

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Michele: God Hates Us All

My rage has become too big to hold. Unleashed, it swirls and circles. It engulfs the world as a malevolent sky.

I spit acid rain. I breathe fire and cities erupt. Bloated, black clouds follow me.

I'm all monster now, bellowing out wind, filling canyons with my acrid piss.

My rampage tires me.

I rest at a supermarket, lay down in aisle 6 - cereal and holy votive candles. Jesus and Mary stare at me. I fall asleep between the Apple Jacks and Corn Pops, and when I wake my neck is stiff and everyone is gone.

Everyone.

I’m sorry.

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From the Comments: Allah

Side by side they sprawled on deck chairs, his snoring a rhythm to the afternoon. Ten straight days of sunshine, she marveled.

He sat up suddenly. Grabbing his groin, he scanned the sky.

"Quick," he hissed. "The shutters."

"What? There's not a cloud--"

A shadow fell across the lawn.

"Hurry!"

She scampered toward the windows. Slamming shutters frantically, she watched the side of the house darken. A thunderclap broke overhead.

The last shutter secured, they raced inside. A torrent of rain hit the roof.

"How?" she panted. "How'd you know?"

He tugged at his nutsack. "Better than Doppler," he said.

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