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May 26, 2010

David: A Telephone Conversation

“Hey, man, you gotta help me. I'm in a bad place.”

“What, you mean like a biker bar you just realized is also a gay bar?”

“Nah, man, I'm, like--”

“Oh, or maybe you just noticed you're the only guy over 20 in Hot Topic.”

“No, you see, it's--”

“Ooh! Are you in Democratic Headquarters? Did they just ask you how awesome Obama is on a scale of 90 jillion to eleventy bazillion?”

“God, just shut up. I was being metaphorical, you dick. You are the worst suicide hotline operator ever.”

“That's what they said at the phone sex place.”

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