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June 18, 2008


As prophecy decreed.

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David: Your Guess Is As Good As Mine

The moon moved to eclipse the sun at noon on the day of the summer solstice. A red goat with two heads had been born a week ago, bleated the secret name of God, and died. The planets were in alignment, and the stars were right.

Two figures faced each other across an altar set in the middle of a great salt flat, observing the cosmic ballet.

“It is time,” one intoned.

“As we foresaw,” replied the other.

“Our fates are pre-ordained.”

“So it is said.”

“Are you afraid?”

“I am at peace. And glad to have seen you again.”

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LJ: Another One I'm Going to Hell For

It was now sixteen past the hour. In great anticipation, the gathered multitude gazed up to heaven, waiting for the first glimpse of the Messiah's return.

They had studied the Scriptures and deduced that he would undoubtedly be arriving within 50 meters of their campsite. They would then lead the saints and angels into battle against the darkness.

But now it was seventeen past. The believers murmured sadly, and heaved a collective sigh, beginning the wait again.

Yes, they all knew it would be sixteen past the hour, sometime this month. Alas, no one knew the hour or the day.

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