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December 26, 2007

Jim: I'm Sure I Have An Excuse For Writing This

Inside the warm bar, over an inversion layer of cigarette smoke, Christmas lights twinkle amid vines of cheap plastic holly. But my attention is fixed on the stunned crowd as I lift the karaoke mike and belt out the final refrain:

“On the twelfth season of Gunsmoke, the writers gave to me:
Twelve crusty sidekicks,
Eleven levered carbines,
Ten mules a braying,
Nine saloon doors swinging,
Eight vultures swooping,
Seven horses rustled,
Six guns a blazing,
Five card hold-em,
Four tumbleweeds,
Three French whores,
Two broken stirrups,
And a cartridge in a bear’s knee.”

I drop the mike and flee.

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