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June 13, 2007

Wednesday

Your free association word of the day is leotard.

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David: Slow Pitch

“Ready to hear about this fall’s hit TV show?”

“Hit me.”

“It’s a dramedy, with an ensemble cast of anthropomorphic animals living together in the African veldt.”

“Go on.”

“First, there’s Ethel the elderly elephant, who’s kind of the mother figure. Then there’s Melvin the mischievous meerkat, who gets into all kind of wacky trouble. Next is Jimmy the developmentally challenged lion. He–“

“Wait, what?”

“What?”

“Jimmy the developmentally challenged lion? Who thinks of that? It’s not even alliterative. What the f’k is wrong with you?”

“Okay, forget that. New show, for kids: 'Uni the Dullest Unicorn.'”

“Get out.”

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Jim: The Local Critic

Tribune Entertainment Revue
By Emily Lancaster

June 13, 2007

No local show in recent memory was so eagerly anticipated yet so poorly delivered as the Community Theater’s Shakespearean Rendition Medley. Both the Hamlet and King Lear segments were almost bearable, despite being set in 1920’s Chicago and South Central Los Angeles, respectively.

After that, though, the show spiraled sickeningly downward, finally crash-landing with the ensemble’s ballet dance number, oddly titled Julius, Cease Her! While I may someday clear the vision from my mind of 40 year-olds pirouetting in leotards, I will always grimace from the final line of “Tutu, Brute?”.

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Jeff R.: War Story

So no shit, there I was taking the kids to the zoo, and we're checking out the big cats. We look at the lions and tigers and even a puma, and we're heading onward when I spot a sign: "Beware of the leotard."

So we all laugh at that misspelling, and we're about to go when Junior says "But what if we do see a leopard?"

"Son," I say, "Don't worry. I've handled worse in the 'Nam than some oversized pussy-cat. There won't be any problem."

So we get moving. And that's when Olivia Newton-John jumped out of the bushes...

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