« Previous Issue | Main | Next Issue »

April 6, 2007


Your free association word of the day is polished.

Comments (3)     Bookmark: del.icio.usDiggreddit

David: Then The Other Guy Ordered A Footlong

He studied the menu. “I guess I’ll have the sausage, make it polished.”

“Dude, what?” asked his companion.

“What? That’s what it says in the menu. ‘Sausage, polish.’ Never had it, thought I’d try it.”

“Dude, that’s ‘Polish sausage.” Like, from Poland? Snerk.”

“Don’t laugh at me, man.”

“Hehe, you want your sausage polished.”

“Shut up, man!”

“You sausage polisher. Waitress, make sure it’s a big sausage. I hear he likes to polish big sausages.”

“Your mom polishes big sausages.”

“Dude, that’s not cool.”

The waitress stood silently, pen in hand, trying to shatter the salt shaker with her mind.

Comments (0)     Bookmark: del.icio.usDiggreddit

Jeff R.: The Word on the Street

"I'm getting a little bit worried about Sal. I'm good. You?"

"Worried? What do you mean? Thanks."

"I think he's been holding out on us. Every way I figure it, his book's gotta be taking in at least twice what he's saying."

"Ah, you know everyone cheats a bit. Not the Kiwi, the Shinola."

"Not his much. Besides, word is, he's been talking to Dirty Louis on the sly."

"Huh. So what do you wanna do about Sal?"

"Don't worry, I'll take care of it."

Booker silently polished their shoes. After six, the G-man showed up with his second paycheck.

Comments (0)     Bookmark: del.icio.usDiggreddit

Ted: Polished Pennies

You don't grow up in this town without learning something. My aunt taught me to always to be ready for trouble. But if I couldn't be ready, always have a way out. I had only managed to learn one simple spell. A Door spell. (No I won't tell you the recipe, but here are the steps.)

Seasoned herbs and the finest glass bottle I could get.
Melt three pennies: one each of silver, gold, and copper.
Mix herbs in the bottle.
Mirror bottle with molten pennies.
Polish the mirror finish.

Doors can get you out of trouble. Or straight in.

Comments (1)     Bookmark: del.icio.usDiggreddit

Dave: My Big Date with a Surfer Dude

“Are you sure about this?” Alicia asked. “I mean, blind dates are always tricky, but -- well, I’ve heard some funny things about this guy.”

“Don’t be so grim,” Sue said, adjusting Alicia’s dress. “You’ll love him. He’s so -- polished.”

At that point, the gent under discussion flew into the room atop a gleaming surfboard. His silvery metallic skin was spotless, buffed and burnished to the point where it almost glowed on its own.

Of course, it would have helped a lot if Alicia could actually see him, Sue thought. Ah, well. I’m sure their evening will be fantastic.

Comments (0)     Bookmark: del.icio.usDiggreddit