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August 30, 2005

Ted: I hate you, Andy...

That was the last vocalization ever made by the never-great diva. Her words were sung however. She had spent her life training for her big debut. After years of study, practice, vast fortunes spent on instructors and voice coaches, and traveling around the world just to keep her instrument in the best possible atmosphere, the truth was inescapable.

She sucked.

Her talent could be measured in a thimble.

But inexplicably, when Andy finally couldn't take it any more and knifed her to death, her last words rang pure to the heavens, calling forth the host of Valhalla to avenge her.

(Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings.....Ed Gardner)

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