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August 11, 2005

Michele: One is the Loneliest Number

Relatives crunched into a corner table at Friday’s as Jake tried to wipe his cheek of the red-kissed stains left by beastly aunts. He cringed as they hovered over him with pinches and hugs.

Mortification came again via the waitstaff, who marched in singing some clap-happy song in Jake's honor. Fat Aunt Harriet squealed and jiggled with delight. Dad cooed and Uncle Bob clapped his hands like a retarded chimpanzee.

Jake had enough of this idiotic celebration. He swiped the rattle off his high chair and let out a barrier breaking scream. A good tantrum and he’d feel vindicated.

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